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LiveJournal for Mally.

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Tuesday, September 3rd, 2002

Time:8:06 pm.

Your Sex Life's a Zero!

You're every prude's biggest hero,

Because your sex life is a zero.

There is one thing I am willing to bet...

That you haven't even had sex yet.

How Does *Your* Sex Life Compare? Click Here to Find Out!
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Time:5:49 am.
i just finished the book
i sat down, and was on page 40. and finished the rest of it
at the end, my eyes filled up with tears
but i didn't cry
i was about to though
i've found a new favorite book
and i've learned a lot from it
i've decided to start taking chances
and just be myself
i usually don't care what other people think of me
but recently i have been caring a little
and i don't think i will anymore
i don't want to regret anything

yeah so if i tell you anything that i shouldn't have said
get over it
because i just want to make myself happy
and other people though!
i want to help other people
i want to randomly give out gifts that i know will make people happy

i also just got the most flattering e-mail ever (unless it was a joke, in which case 'boo')
from this guy who saw me on makeoutclub
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Time:4:01 am.
how does it feel?
knowing that my happiness or sadness depends on you
my emotions rest entirely in your hands
it must feel powerful
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Time:2:42 am.
this is oddly like the whole caitlin thing
you know, the girl who just kinda likes girls but won't ever actually like me (like like me to clear that one up)
but with caitlin i was really mean to her
and i usually didn't have to worry about her reading my livejournal
but now i just get nervous around this girl
nervous when i drove over there tonight, and nervous when i was there
and just nervous in general
and agh

and i would like to point out that someday my survey will rule the world
and you all know what i'm talking about
and mostly all of you have proved your responses to be true
except anya, she lied on the survey and thats less cool

what a summer
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Time:12:30 am.
does your name start with any of the letters in the world 'gal?'

if yes: good
if no: you are not worth my time

this is a joke by the way
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Monday, September 2nd, 2002

Time:11:55 pm.
"She was elusive. She was today. She was tomorrow. She was the faintest scent of a cactus flower, the flitting shadow on an elf owl. We did not know what to make of her. In our minds we tried to pin her to a corkboard like a butterfly, but the pin merely went through and away she flew."

I normally hate books.
Except for the Oz books, those are good because they are all about a magical fairyland.
But I found a book, I'm on page 40 now I think, its actually good
I'm really enjoying it so far
This is awesome
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Time:9:40 pm.
i just found the cutest thing ever
when i moved here, my friends in california held a moving away / birthday party thing
and it was a suprise party
and throughout the party sue took polaroids of people, and they wrote on pieces of paper saying goodbye to me and such
and put the pictures with the papers in a photo album
i just found the photo album and looked through it
it was an emotional experience
i miss california so much

i also decided to be vegan again
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Time:8:31 pm.
well tomorrow is the last day before school starts
and i, of course, have to go to school
i'm on orientation committee, and seeing as wednesday - friday is orientation, we need to gather and make sure we finished planning everything and that everything is okay
so thats what i will be doing tomorrow at noon

and then i will (hopefully) being hanging out with anya

i cant believe school is actually starting

i also wish i had a large amount of confidence
in myself
that would be nice
other people would probably also be happier if i was like that

i feel like this summer needs closure
i dont know what kind of closure
but something, just to let me know that its actually over

me and miki used to drive around with the windows open
we would pretend we were in a convertable
and yell at people driving convertables that our convertable was cooler
then we would make wierd noises (such as my impression of a pterodactyl) at people on the streets or at people in other cars when their windows were down
then i would yell 'woosh!'
and we might stop for italian ices or something fun like that

we haven't done that in a while
maybe that could be a nice way to end the summer?
we'll see what tomorrow brings
hopefully its a good day
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Time:3:35 am.
i cant stop thinking about her
and its really bad
*smacks myself in the head*
stop it mallory!

im just trying to watch a movie, and i went 52 minutes into the movie without thinking about her
and then it hit me
and now of course since im trying to not think about her
im thinking about her more

i also have decided that i really want to be one of those naturally cool people
i can name a couple of them
you know? the people who everyone seems to gravitate towards
the ones who everyone just loves and they don't even try to be loved
i would give up many a thing to be one of those people

i'm very unloved
and no matter how much people tell me they love me
i will never ever believe it

i've been an insanely trusting person for too long
and its hurt me too much
and now i'm just paranoid

whatever you say to me
if you compliment me in any way
chances are i will not believe you
and will in fact tell you that you hate me
but i might thank you for pretending to like me

some people are just born and destined to be amazing people
and i'm just not like it
and nobody can honestly say that i am
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Time:12:54 am.
sometimes when i say or do things i forget i am a real person
sometimes i think i am playing a role playing game or something
and at the moment, i am, but not on this livejournal
and not in real life
and i guess its a good thing that im really honest
but i think i should learn to actually live my life with a little, i dont know the word for it
i need to not assume that everyone will be okay with everything i say
i dont know

went to frowny face tonight
fun times were had
wish more people had danced though
so yeah

travel time: 3 hours 20 minutes
actual fun time: 3 hours
thats insane
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Saturday, August 31st, 2002

Time:8:45 pm.
just to let you know
i get a feeling i will be posting significantly less now than i have in the past
especially those past couple days

found a new thing to do, so i'm doing that
Comments: Add Your Own.

Time:6:18 am.
i get into very random and very intense obsessions
usually with people, but sometimes with other things

and when im not doing something related to the person or thing, its like i can't breathe
and my entire life is based upon this one thing
and i cant deal with it

sometimes people i know
sometimes actresses

in 9th grade it was claire miller
in 10th grade it was liza sagor, not even remotely as bad as the claire thing though
and then it was chrissy zarnin
last year it was buffy the vampire slayer
at some point a couple years ago it was clea duvall

and i'm saying this because i can feel another one coming on
and its margo harshman, the girl who plays tawny on even stevens
i put in my even stevens marathon tape today
and ive been fast forwarding through episodes margo harshman isn't in
i'm insane

someone needs to help me

okay we will go back in time to the claire miller thing
every single person in all of scarsdale knows how obsessed i was with her
it was insane
i can't remember a time, not even for 5 seconds, when i wasn't thinking about her
and when i was thinking about her, it was the most terrible pain you could imagine
and she hated me so much
and it made it all that much worse
i rollerbladed past her house a couple times
i walked the long way to classes so i could pass by her locker
i was insane

i hated it so much
i've never felt so terrible
honestly, like i was about to die

i look back on all the things that give me pain
and its become very clear that i can't do anything without getting hurt somehow

why do i even exist?

i'm going to (sort of) quote dawn from buffy the vampire slayer, because well, i'm obsessed with buffy the vampire slayer

"I'm like a lightning rod for pain and hurt... I must be something so horrible to cause so much pain and evil."
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Time:3:27 am.
its always fun to randomly hang out with someone you haven't really talked to since you 'dated' them in 7th grade

good times were had tonight driving around with rob
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Time:1:15 am.
oh i've also decided to not have sex
like, ever

well, eventually
but not for a while
not until im 100% ready which won't be for a while

so yeah, no sex for mally b
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Time:12:52 am.
need to remember this so i will post it here

"no one can dissapoint me quite like you can..."
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Friday, August 30th, 2002

Time:10:57 pm.
does anyone have an extra livejournal code they could possibly send my way? i really need one
Comments: Add Your Own.

Time:8:59 pm.
somebody please kidnap me!
im bored out of my mind
i've been bored out of my mind since almost two weeks ago
i will continue to be bored out of my mind until next wednesday
yeah, so i still have to sit here all day long for saturday, sunday, monday, and tuesday
however on tuesday i have a school thing and will be let out for that
but oh my god!
this is insane
i didn't do anything wrong! why am i being tortured like this
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Time:6:09 pm.
yes im from scarsdale
yes i have a housecleaner
however our regular housecleaner lady is away for a little while
so we have this new girl
and ive been really scared because she doesnt know what my little blanket thing is
and today its missing
and i figure she thew it out
and i makes me cry because i would die without that thing
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Time:5:18 am.
the clock on my livejournal is wrong
it is definitely 6 am and i still haven't gone to sleep
my dad is upstairs getting ready for work
and i just can't go to sleep
i think i might be tired, but i just don't feel it
i've been lying in bed for the past almost 2 hours trying to go to sleep and i just can't
this is awful
i do this almost every night
except for last night, in which i fell asleep at 10, woke up at midnight, then fell right back asleep.
im a terrible insomniac
and i can't deal with it anymore
i think i need medication for this
i stay up really late, and when i try to go to sleep i just can't
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Time:3:17 am.

finally figured out who that wierd name that has been on my buddy list forever is
funny thing is that i met her in real life and then didnt actually know it was her
until i figured it out tonight
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LiveJournal for Mally.

View:User Info.
You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.